


give me something (to sing about)

by cylobaby27



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Minor Julia Burnsides/Magnus Burnsides, Suicidal Thoughts, Team Feels, pre-Eleventh Hour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-27 06:04:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12075021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cylobaby27/pseuds/cylobaby27
Summary: After Julia's death, Magnus feels like he is just biding his time until he can follow her in a blaze of glory. His new friends are not on board with this plan.





	give me something (to sing about)

Eventually, Magnus realizes that he has find work to fund his life after Raven’s Roost.

 

It’s a strange thought. Before Governor Kalen’s vicious revenge, Magnus had thought that he would live the rest of his life in the town. When he had bothered to acknowledge his mortality at all, he had imagined growing old and dying next to Julia. Instead, he’s alone in the world, with nowhere to call home, and dwindling gold in his pocket.

 

Fortunately, his reputation as a local folk hero precedes him, and Magnus is able to get work as a bodyguard as soon as he offers himself. Lord Duma is traveling from his keep through an untamed area to get to Rockport for work, and wants to bring on two bodyguards to make sure he survives the journey.

 

“You know who I am, don’t you?” Lord Duma asks, his voice nasally and condescending. “If you do your job, you’ll be well compensated. Don’t do your job, and I’ve left instructions for your name to be ruined. If I die, so do you.”

 

“You don’t need to threaten me,” Magnus tells him. “I keep my word.”

 

“We’ll see,” the lord says.

 

The road is long and difficult. The other bodyguard Duma hired, a tiefling woman, is distant and taciturn. The few times Magnus tries to engage her in conversation, she’s monosyllabic if she bothers to answer at all. Lord Duma doesn’t warm up to him either. He spends most of his time reading or brooding, and doesn’t seem to even notice his guards.

 

Magnus feels like he’s invisible to his traveling companions. Like he’s the ghost he wishes he were.

 

He tries to stay occupied scanning their surroundings and sharpening his weapons, but his thoughts grow louder and louder as the days go by.

 

When giants attack a few miles outside of Rockport, the first emotion Magnus feels is _relief_. The giants catch them off-guard, using a natural stone outcropping to hide their small force. Magnus grabs his sword and shield and rushes in, leaving the helmet he had been oiling behind.

 

The battle is almost satisfying.

 

The giants are strong enough to give Magnus a fight, but they have no sense of tactics. With the other bodyguard’s warlock powers picking them off from a distance and Magnus there to bulldoze through the rest, they kill them all without getting more than a few cuts and bruises. Too soon, the adrenaline wears off, and Magnus is left empty once again.

 

That night, when they’re sitting by the campfire and trying to chew through the thick stew Magnus made them, the lord clears his throat. “You know that I don’t pay extra hazard pay if you take extreme risks.”

 

Magnus blinks and looks up. “What?”

 

“You don’t need to be so eager to rush in without your armor,” the lord says stiffly. “I’m not paying you any extra.”

 

Once Magnus processes that, he shrugs. “I didn’t do it for you,” Magnus tells him.  

 

Lord Duma gives him a skeptical look, but goes back to his stew in silence.

 

#

 

After bouncing around different jobs for two years, Magnus falls in with an elf wizard and a dwarf cleric, and then gets swept into city-destroying adventures. Phandalin burns while Magnus is hiding in a well with his new companions, and he can’t help thinking that he should have stayed on the surface to die with all of the people he couldn’t save.

 

Killian takes them to the moon base, and they don’t even have time to rest before they’re thrown into an arena to fight a trio of ogres to prove themselves. They win the battle, and Magnus has two freshly-removed robot arms in his bag to prove it.

 

They get settled in their new dorm, which they’re sharing with each other and one of the Bureau’s other members, and Magnus sleeps for more than eleven hours. He doesn’t dream, but his first thought when he wakes up is of fire and glass.

 

When he sits up, rubbing at his eyes, he finds Taako sitting on the edge of his own bunk, buttoning on a pair of thigh-high boots. They’re alone in the room. “Morning,” Taako says. “You look like shit.”

 

“I just woke up,” Magnus says defensively, stretching. “Where’s Merle? And the other guy?” Their fourth roommate had introduced himself the night before, but Magnus didn’t pay much attention.

 

“They headed to the cafeteria for breakfast. Did you know they serve meals here? I’m worried about the quality, my dude. How do they get fresh ingredients on the fucking moon?”

 

“I’m not picky,” Magnus admits. “Free food is free food.”

 

Taako shakes his head. “No standards. I shouldn’t be surprised.” He finishes buttoning one boot and moves on to the next. “I know we got healed after that fight yesterday, but I still feel like I’ve just been hit by an ogre. Those bastards didn’t fuck around. Whose bright idea was it to say that I was bravest?”

 

“Would you have rather been up in the walkway with the robots?”

 

“No, dude, I wanted Merle’s job. I love sitting far away from the danger and playing God with my party members.” He shakes his head. “You know, you’re a weird dude, Magnus.”

 

“In my defense, I was trying to tear those arms off quickly. It wasn’t supposed to be so grisly.”

 

“Not that, though that was _wildly_ fucked up,” Taako says, eyes very firmly on his boots. “Your job was to protect the button. You didn’t need to break the rules, bust through the window, and jump down two stories just to come save my sorry ass. Just getting down there fucked you up pretty badly, and then you helped me fight some goddamn ogres.”

 

Magnus shrugs. “You needed help.”

 

“Yeah, but that wasn’t the _game_ ,” Taako says. “I mean, I’m glad I didn’t die, but you didn’t have to do that. You didn’t get any extra points for saving me.” He sniffs and fiddles with the last button on his boots. “It was your own dumb decision, so I don’t owe you for that. Like, I didn’t ask you to be a self-sacrificing idiot.”

 

“I didn’t do it so that you’d owe me anything,” Magnus says. “It was just the right option at the time.”

 

“You still barely even know me. I mean, you could have been _killed_ ,” Taako points out.

 

“So?”

 

Taako pauses and finally looks up at him. Whatever expression he sees on Magnus’s face surprises him, because his eyes go wide and then he drops the subject. “Come on, big guy,” he says. “We should go get breakfast before Merle eats it all. That dwarf can put away more than you’d think for his height, and I’m pretty sure you need more food than the rest of us to keep yourself so big and bulky.”

 

Magnus dresses quickly and follows. Taako doesn’t bring up the ogre fight again, but Magnus catches him looking at him thoughtfully several times.

 

#

 

After successfully retrieving the Oculus, the boys are sent on the trail on another relic. There were unusual activities and power spikes in the woods outside of Roccliff that the Bureau Seekers tagged as a possible relic. The forest is full of things that are trying to kill and eat them, and matters are made worse by the fact their Stones of Farspeech stop working as soon as they land. Taako makes some vague theories about the magical energies inside of the forest creating a barrier in the foliage above, but Magnus looks at the reality of the situation—they have no help from the home base, and no ride out until they get clear of the forest completely.

 

They make their way to the source of the energy fluctuations over the course of a long, draining day. The good news is that it’s not one of the Grand Relics causing the anomalies. The bad news is that it is a necromancy cult, and they’re determined to kill Magnus, Merle, and Taako for stumbling onto their secret.

 

At first, they hold their own, but the necromancers have them outnumbered substantially. The necromancers raise a wolf to fight, and the giant, rotting beast nearly takes off Magnus’s head. Magnus manages to destroy it, but not before the wolf’s razor claws gash deep into his torso. One hand clutching his side, Magnus is preparing to stand off against an approaching drow when Taako appears at his side. “Move it, homie! We’re bailing.”

 

“They’ll follow us,” Magnus says through gritted teeth. “We have to finish this here.”

 

“Finishing this here will end with us all getting killed, my man. We just have to get to the edge of the woods, and we’ll get the Bureau to send down a pick-up,” Taako says.

 

Magnus hesitates, but follows. Taako uses his last spell slot to create a diversion, and then they run together into the woods.

 

Merle has a black eye and Taako is using his umbrastaff as a makeshift cane to lean against as he hobbles forward, but it looks like Magnus is the only one who was seriously injured. His side has gone from blazing with pain to feeling icy cold. The dark forest and his jacket are hiding the worst of the damage, but he can feel the blood seeping into the hem of his pants.

 

Once the sounds of pursuit behind them quiet, Merle wheezes, “Are they still following us? Can we take a short rest?”

 

“They don’t want us getting out of this forest,” Taako says. “If we stop, they’ll catch up. I don’t think they’re going to give up, and—guess what? Zombies don’t get fucking tired.”

 

“On we go, then,” Merle says. “Anyone need a quick heal?”

 

“I mean, I don’t feel _great_ ,” Taako says. “I’m sleepy, I’m out of spells, I have bark-burn on my damn face, and there’s a good chance that one hit I got on my leg is going to bruise like a bitch.”

 

Merle rolls his eyes. “I’ve got one spell left, so we need to make it a good one.”

 

“What if they catch up to us?” Magnus asks. “Taako’s completely burned out. Can we really spare a spell now?”

 

“We’d make do. Why, do you need a quick magic band-aid?”

 

He’s already lost enough blood that even the strongest spell Merle can cast right now might not be enough to patch him up completely. They’re still at least an hour from the edge of the woods, and the necromancers still might catch up.

 

If that happens, they’ll need all the magic they can get.

 

“No, I’m good,” Magnus says. “Let’s just keep going.”

 

As they walk toward the edge of the forest, they stay quiet to make it harder for the necromancers to track them. Magnus breathes as slowly and deeply as he can, though his side twinges with every inhale. His vision’s starting to blur—or are his eyes just having trouble with the dark? He feels cold all over.

 

Was this how Julia felt, at the end? He’ll never know whether her death was fast and unexpected, or if she bled out slowly under the rubble of Raven’s Roost. He tries not to think about that. Instead, he reminds himself that—if he _is_ dying tonight—that he’ll finally be reunited with her.

 

When he finally collapses, only a few minutes from the edge of the woods, his main emotion is relief.

 

#

 

He wakes up on the glass sphere as it floats back toward the moon base. Taako and Merle are both standing over him, far too close for comfort.

 

“How? What?” Magnus croaks. He tries to sit up, but the pain in his torso is still ferocious enough that he can’t complete the movement. Merle presses a hand against his shoulder to stop him from trying again. “How did you two even…?” His thoughts are still blurry, but he can’t make the scenario make sense.

 

“My umbrastaff has feather fall on it. We used it to float your dumb ass out of the woods,” Taako says. The edges of his nostrils are white, which is one of the only signs the elf gives when he’s _really_ angry. “Merle, you yell at him first. I can’t look at his stupid face.”

 

“Sure, sure, Taako,” Merle says. He gives Magnus a brief smile, and then bellows, “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT, MEATHEAD?”

 

“You know you don’t have to yell just because Taako told you to,” Magnus says, wincing.

 

“I’m not yelling because of _him_. I’m yelling because of _you_ ,” Merle says. “I finally remembered to ask if either of you idiots needed a heal, and you said no! You’re making me look like a bad cleric!”

 

“You are a bad cleric,” mumbles Taako, who is clearly still listening even though he’s pretending to be busy looking through the sphere’s collection of protein bars.

 

“What kind of dumb, self-sacrificing bullshit possessed you? Were you planning on telling us you were bleeding out, or were you just going to let us turn around and realize you’d died a few miles back? If it was the first, you failed. If it was the second, you fall like a damn oak tree, so _we noticed_. You know what wasn’t fun? Having to hover your body out of the woods while dodging the necromancers. They found us right after you passed out, buddy. At first, I thought maybe they’d gotten to you before I actually looked at your wound. There was more blood outside your body than inside, you know. There are things even I can’t heal.”

 

“The necromancers found you?” Magnus tries to sit up again, but Merle stops him with a firm hand. “And you two still got us all to safety? Are you okay?”

 

“We were fine, no thanks to _you_ ,” Merle says.

 

Magnus closes his eyes for a breath. They survived without his help, but they shouldn’t have needed to. He wanted to be there for them, to take the damage and keep them alive. Only, that meant he couldn’t take _all_ of the damage. Before joining their team, he’d never been invested in his life. He still wasn’t, not for himself, but for _them_ , he needed to stay alive. They had made it out of the forest, but what about the next mission? If Magnus wasn’t there, who was going to protect his friends?

 

Dying in a blaze of glory sounded nice, but he didn’t want to leave his team behind. Not this team, not anymore.

 

“I’m sorry,” Magnus says.

 

“Damn right, you’re sorry!” Taako says, finally coming back over. “If you ever lie about needing medical attention again, I swear to every single god that I will kill you myself. No joke. I will burn all of my spell slots and kill you. I know Merle is a shitty healer—”

 

“Hey!”

 

“But when he actually offers and you’re actually dying, you have to take him up on this shit,” Taako says. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

 

“You care about me,” Magnus says. His tone is teasing, but he knows it’s true.

 

Taako’s ears flatten back. “Lies and slander,” he says. “Oh, look, we’re at the moon base. Gird your loins, Maggie, because I’m definitely telling on you. The Director is going to be _pissed_.”

 

He’s right. As soon as the medics on the base finish healing Magnus, he’s called into the Director’s office for an unofficial debrief. Magnus takes the Director’s concerned rant (thinly-veiled as irritation) about his recklessness as his due, but looks up at her earnestly at the end. “I’m sorry, Madame Director. It won’t happen again. I promise.”

 

The Director looks at him suspiciously, and then nods. “See that it doesn’t.”

 

#

 

After they come back from saving the world from crystallization, Magnus corners Carey one day and asks her to train him as a rogue. She’s sharp and clever, and Magnus learns more from her in a few weeks than he has in years. It’s not just a new skill set, but a new approach to thinking. As he told Carey, he’s realized that his previous mantra—rushing in without any regard for his own life—has only one realistic ending; his death.

 

And while the idea of death is still a siren in some ways, especially at night when his wedding ring is weighing most heavily on his finger, he can’t let go yet.

 

One night after one of his later training sessions, he takes a quick shower and then picks up his current wood carving. He carries it into their shared living area to take his usual seat only to find Taako sprawling over the entire couch.   

 

“Uh,” Magnus says, hesitating. There are two chairs in the central area as well, which he’s tinkered with to hold his weight, but they’re really better sized for his smaller companions.

 

Taako blinks up at him, ears flicking lazily. Then, he lifts up his feet invitingly. Magnus slides under them to take the seat at the edge of the couch, and then huffs when Taako drops them heavily onto his lap. Once Magnus shuffles so that Taako’s bony ankles aren’t digging into anything sensitive, he pulls out his grandfather’s knife and starts whittling.

 

“What are you making now? Another duck?”

 

“I’m temporarily ducked out,” Magnus admits.

 

“Blasphemy.”

 

“I’ve been helping Carey learn how to carve them. There’s only so many mangled birds I can look at before I need a break. This is going to be a…” He pauses and looks at the figure in his hands. “A bear.”

 

“How do you not know yet?”

 

“The wood tells me what it wants to be,” Magnus says.

 

“How’s your training with Carey going?”

 

“Mangled. Ducks.”

 

“I meant the other training,” Taako says.

 

“…What other training?” Magnus says, drawing out the words in the most innocent way he can.

 

“You’ve not been very sneaky about hiding your sneaking lessons,” Taako points out. “I guess that’s why you needed them, am I right, buddy?”

 

“I wasn’t necessarily hiding them,” Magnus says, feeling a flush on his cheeks. “I just didn’t want people to know until I figure it out a little more. I wasn’t sure I’d even be any good at it.”

 

“Well, are you?”

 

“I’m working on it,” Magnus says honestly. “I think I’m getting better.”

 

“Why rogue arts, anyway? You’re, like, the loudest person I know. It’s not exactly an obvious jump. I hope this isn’t some extended way to flirt with Carey, because I hate to break it to you—”

 

“She’s gay,” Magnus interrupts. “I know. Besides, my heart isn’t mine to give away. Why can’t a guy learn from a woman without it being misinterpreted?”

 

“Because we’re all desperate for gossip on this tiny moon base,” Taako says. “So, if not flirting, what’s up?”

 

“Well,” Magnus says, “I’ve been thinking about it a lot. If I’m just your meat shield all the time, eventually I’m going to get taken out.”

 

“Mhm,” Taako prompts, eyes closed. His feet are a comforting weight against Magnus’s legs.

 

“I thought maybe it was time to provide something different for our team. I want to be around to protect you guys until this mission is done,” Magnus continues. “Being a damage sponge—Carey’s words, not mine—won’t help you guys in the long run. You know that for a while, I didn’t really care if I died, right? I mean, I figured you’d noticed. But I realized I can’t protect you guys if I’m not there to help. You know?”

 

“What I know is that you’re a goddamn idiot.”

 

“Well, that’s mean.”

 

“You’re in rogue training so that you can stop yourself from getting hurt, so that you can get hurt more often?”

 

“It sounds stupid like that,” Magnus says.

 

“It sounds stupid _every_ way. I mean, you’re right. We need you around. But it’s not just so you can take _more_ damage for us. You’re part of the team, you dumb fucking oaf. Also, fuck you for talking about your casual suicidality and thinking that there was a chance I didn’t _fucking_ notice. No one leaps into danger the way you do without having a death wish. I may be an idiot wizard—”

 

“I haven’t fallen for that shtick in months,” Magnus mutters.  


Taako ignores him. “—but even I have picked up some things about your tragic backstory. I never appreciated you constantly throwing yourself onto swords. We need you around, doofus. So, stop that.”

 

“I’m trying,” Magnus points out.

 

“Good. Because if you die, you know I’ll just haul your ass back from the Astral Plane. That’s something I would do. You want peace? Not while I’m around, motherfucker, so you’d better get used to life.”

 

“This conversation is literally happening because I’m trying to make sure I live longer,” Magnus says.

 

“I’ve wanted to yell at you about this for a while, so you just have to deal,” Taako says. “Maggie, you know how to braid, right?”

 

“Uh, yes?” Magnus says, feeling conversational whiplash.

 

“Good.” Taako sits up and spins so that now his head is in Magnus’s lap and his feet are on the other end of the couch. “Give me some of those bad boys. Make them look dope.”

 

“Okay,” Magnus says. Taako’s hair is soft and loose, so it’s easy to find three strands to start with. It’s a rhythmic and soothing motion, one that he hasn’t done in years. (In Raven’s Roost, he learned to braid as an accent to his carpentry, and had later used the skill to help Julia tame her mass of curls.)

 

Just when Magnus thinks their conversation is over, Taako continues, “I get where you were coming from, you know. But you’ve got people who care about you, okay? Not me, I don’t care, but Merle? Angus? Your new BFF, Carey? They’d be crushed if you got yourself killed doing something stupid. Also, who would take care of your magic fish? Not me.”

 

“You wouldn’t let an innocent fish die just because you were mad at me for getting killed,” Magnus says. “…Shit, would you?”

 

“Let’s not find out, for the fishie’s sake,” Taako says. “Less talk, more braiding. You owe me for making me have this emotionally-charged conversation.” He snaps imperiously.

 

Magnus chuckles and complies. He’s not fooled by the aloofness Taako pulls back on like a cloak.

 

Magnus wakes up a few hours later when Merle stomps through the door. Taako is still sprawled over his lap, though he doesn’t seem to have slept. Magnus’s hands are resting in Taako’s hair, holding onto the silk strands like a toddler with a blanket. He lets go, and Taako reaches back to blindly pat his leg.

 

“Thanks,” Magnus says quietly.

 

Taako winks and says, “Any time, homie.”

**Author's Note:**

> Magnus is a sweet ruff boi and I only want the best for him.
> 
> Reviews are much appreciated!


End file.
